


Waiting for you…

by randomnessUnicorn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/M, Minor Terezi Pyrope/Karkat Vantas, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 03:38:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2135655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomnessUnicorn/pseuds/randomnessUnicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story talks about Nepeta's Feelings, I hope you like it, I don't have so much to say</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting for you…

Your name is Nepeta Leijon and you are the greatest shipper on Alternia. You love shipping your friends with everyone, studying the potential pairings, analysing the common aspects between the people that form the couples. You cannot leave anything to chance.  You also love drawing; in fact, you draw on the shipping wall all the pairings that make your heart beat faster. You are devoted to all your OTPs, and you do not discriminate anyone, you like every kind of ship: Matespriteship, Moirallegiance, Auspisticism and Kismesissitude. Canon, Crack, everything.

Because you think that every couple is special and deserves a singular place in your little kitty heart. Every trolls that form these pairings are unique, they are your fabulous friends, so they need all your support, all your experience about shipping. Their quadrants are in your paws.  
   
That wall is the essence of the shipping. It is your pride. You spent so many sweeps to make it like this, and there will be another millions sweeps  to rendering it more perfect, because pairings are changeable, you can’t relax one minute that one new couple is growing. How many couple were born and have died? You know every one of them. Sometimes you like to observe the drawings of the old couples, the ones that are not here anymore. A sad smile grows on your face; the time is passing by so fast, and it does not leave traces. There are only the memories. It is like to browse an old album; every picture conserves a little fragment of life that it’s worth remembering. Not all of these memories involve yourself, but you are happy for your friends, and you will be always here for them, especially in the bad times, helping them with your precious advices.  
You do not ship only the others but also yourself with another people. You stop for a moment for seeing the special picture that represent you and Equius, your dearest Meowrail. You and him are Moirails from immemorial times. You would never imagine that the two of you would come so far. It is happened! Because your bond is very STRONG, as Equius would say.  
   
Then, your gaze stopped, and it went to another direction. There is a particular pairing that you love so much, but it is not going to be real. It seems impossible.  It is your OTP: Karkat x Nepeta. You hope with all your feline heart that one day it will become canon.  
   
You prayed every gods you know for this love comes true.  
You pray because you want him to notice you.  
You dream he will ask you to become his kittysprite.  
You did so many things but it is always the same: he ignores you.  
   
Do you know the reason he acts like that?  
   
Because his heart belongs to another troll, we all know who this troll is. You know whom I am talking about. Would you like not to know her name? You would like to think that there are few hopes for you. You live in illusions, fantasies, and air castles.  Nobody can prevent you to dream about him. This is what you always do: dream. Thanks to imagination, you can fill the void inside your heart. The absence of his hugs, kisses, caresses, you miss also the rude and offensives words he always says to everyone, you could love him anyway, and even his bad-mannered side is cute to you. Well, if there was not the imagination, your life would be more difficult. You entertain yourself with drawing, singing, writing poems in his honour. Especially writing, in this period you spent so much time writing on your diary. You remind a quote that tells, “Writing about someone is the only way to wait for him without being hurt”. This simple phrase describes your situation and your feelings. You wait for him, just as Penelope waited for Ulysses, even if you do not know who these people are – you are not totally into human culture but this myth appears to be interesting- . You are here, all alone, waiting for a miracle to happen. He is your miracle. You are waiting for the return of your hero, but, on the contrary of the Greek legend, he is not going to come to you but to her. It is a tragedy.  
He has often told you, with his harsh voice that sounds so sweet to your feline ears, that you are hopeless. You will always be unrequired. You have to stop dreaming about impossible things. He has said it for your sake, because he sees you like a friend, he would not want to see you suffer. However, you, being a stubborn cat, keep your hopes up. You want to cry, but you do not. You hate crying. You are not going to show your weak side. The downside of you. Be positive! This is the way to succeed. To win Karkat’s heart. You have to be happy. More radiant than the Alternia’s Sun, you are going to blind him with your intense sunshine.  
   
You have found another way to vent your bitterness: writing. Taking your diary and writing down your thoughts, emotions, stories and passions, everything you want. There you narrate yourself, even the girl you do not show to others. You browse the pages and start to read memory after memory.  
   
 _“Dear Diary,_  
   
 _It is me, Nepeta. Did you miss me? I miss you so hard. I have things to tell you. Listen to me! Today I have talked with my meowrail, Equius. I asked him for some advices about a thing I care. You already known what I am talking about. I can be so silly sometimes, I know. It concerns Karkitty… what a novelty, meow?_  
 _I asked to Equius how I should act with him. How I should declare my love to him. Speaking is easier than doing it. Equius told me that I must tell him what I feel without hesitation. I do not know if this is the best thing to do, but I have to try, doing my best for this mission. I am tired of these defeats. Moreover, I am sick of all these words, the only thing I am good seems to be talking. It is frustrating. Here I go. Cheer on me!”_  
 

_***_

   
 _“Dear Diary,_  
   
 _As_ _I promised, I am going to report you about Karkitty’s story. What can I say? The simple thing I know is that my heart has stopped in the very moment he was in front of me and he told me those words. I am dumb… how could I think that he will love me?  I am an idiot, as he told me. When I went to him, I was so happy; I smiled at him, while he looked at me with his usual annoyed expression, I did not care because I am used to his attitudes. Then I took all my courage, meanwhile my face was painting a vive green that it could light up a dark room. He stared at me, irritated and tired. His gaze was driving me crazy. Then I pronounced that phrase: I am red for you. I do not remember if these were the precise words I used, so my senses were upside down, and I could not understand what was happening. He face palmed himself and puffed, saying something I did not understand, because my head was on another planet. Maybe it is better than I did not understand; I can imagine what he was blabbering about. He and I will never be. After this I heard a familiar laugh, the laugh I know very well, so noisy and acute. Her laugh. She was there. The troll he loved so much. Actually, I smelt her odour before, but I decided to ignore it. Terezi greeted us and she started to talk with my beloved Karkitty, they ignored me. Therefore, I went away with my tail between my legs. Now I am here to you, telling you about my unlucky love life. I want to be alone now; I do not want to see anybody. I want to stay alone with my sufferance. »_  
   
   
These are the last things you wrote on your diary. From that day, you have not written nothing more there. It passed a week.  To think back now, you feel a thick in your heart. Strange considerations start to appear inside your dusty mind. You grab your pen, beginning to write with violence, passion, rage and rancour, words full of nonsenses, tears and pain. It seems like you were prick the sheet. The sentences you have inside your head are coming to the page’s surface. Bitter words. Real words.  
   
 _« Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?_  
   
 _Why can I be like her? If I was her he would love me._  
 _But I am only me, no one else. Just the dumb me._  
 _I want to be her. Because she speaks to him. She hugs him. She supports him when he is sad. She makes him happy. She loves him and he loves her for what she is. He loves the way she is, not the way I am. Why? »_  
   
   
Tears begin to wet your little cheeks. Your gaze is fogging. You are angry with yourself, in fact it is not his fault if you are like this. You cannot obligate someone to love you. You throw you diary away on the cold floor. You kneel and cry as you have not cried in all your life. Everything appears to be useless. Karkat does not want to love you and never will. This is the truth. You have to understand life cannot always turn according what we want. This is the world. It is severe. It is merciless. Dangerous. It is not colourful and simple as you think. This Universe follows its rules not ours.  
   
I am going to tell you a secret: this is not the only world existent. Dear, Nepeta, there are so many worlds that you cannot even imagine. And these ones follow your rules. I am talking about the fantasy world inside your pretty mind. Yes, everything is decided by you. Nobody can steal it from you. It belongs to you. Only to you. Keep dreaming, hoping, drawing, writing, living, shipping and all the other stuff you love. Never doubt about your dreams!  
   
You are going to dry your tears. You are tired to whine. Now you are happy, and, even if Karkat does’t love you, it is not the end of the world. That guy was right:  “Writing about someone is the only way to wait for him without being hurt”. You should also add: it is the only way to make bitterness something fun.  
   
 


End file.
